Oh, I can't just write books, you say? I need to market myself, do I? Like I'm a hydrogenated snack unit, here to feedertain you? Well, fine, then, I'll quit throwing myself into traffic like a sensible person*, settle down, and waste good novel writing time TO DITHER ON A GODDAMN BLOG.
*Ambiguity intentional
The hideous demonic manifestation calls itself Bertram, and informs him
that he will destroy Kat, but only after Jaggo falls in love again.
Additionally, killing off Kat comes with a price; Bertram must also kill
someone Jaggo loves.
From here until the thrilling fireball-filled conclusion of the novel,
Bertram follows Jaggo around, observing his movements, drinking all his beer
and liquor, and making irreverent commentary. Inevitably, Jaggo meets a woman
who is perfect for him, but he is afraid to fall in love with her for fear that
she will be the one the animani takes as a price for Jaggo’s ill-advised
incantation.
Repost: C'mon, guys, no one will read you if no one reviews you. Grand malheur, I know, but I won't know if I can write about you till I know about you. Hi: I'm writing a semiweekly (sometimes weekly) books column for Taki's Magazine from now until whenever I quit or screw up. So, anyone who's publishing a book, make sure to send me review copies in a timely fashion! Send me the PDF at asterzingerz@gmail.com, or better yet, email me to ask for my snail address. (I prefer paper review copies, but one's personal address is one of those things one can't take back once one unleashes it...) The main focus of the column is litrashoooor, but I also love graphic novels (I guess that's literature now, right? No sarko) and works of scholarly stuff and sociopolitical whatnots are welcome too, though there are writers at the magazine who are already covering nonfiction quite well. Also, do not hesitate to invite me to your play, assuming I can get there (so, mostly Chicago... or video recordings). Thanks! Recent review of sorts of Thomas Ligotti: http://takimag.com/article/fake_detective_ann_sterzinger/print#disqus_thread
MSNBC, we know how dedicated you are to your craft now:
First, may it be said that the prankster is my new hero, whoever he may be. I salute you, sir!
The "journalist," whose actual name is apparently Krystal Ball, is the reason that every untrained 14-year-old with a smartphone is now just as important to the dissemination of information as well paid and, apparently, equally untrained professional journalists. See the smug, bitchy demeanor Ball displays in the still above? She looks that way both BEFORE and AFTER she gets pranked; classic resting bitch face (a disease whose victims I'd feel a lot worse for if it weren't for its near 100% comorbidity with Actual Bitch Syndrome). How can you be that baseline dissatisfied with being privileged, useless, and overcompensated?
But let's not harp TOO much on her unsavory personality: how about we concentrate on the uselessness? The caller, whose credentials the interns in the basement apparently failed to verify, regales her on a live MSNBC broadcast with his "eyewitness account" of the Ukrainian plane shooting incident: "It appeeeears," he says, sounding every inch the military expert, "that the plane was shot down by a blast of wind from Howard Stern's ass."
She is clearly not listening, as she asks a follow-up question of sorts:
"So it would appear that the plane was shot down... can you tell us anything more from your military training, what sort of missile system that may have been coming from?"
If you've ever apprenticed in or studied journalism in any way, shape, or form, this is (or used to be, or damn well should be) the first thing you're told: LISTEN! Sure, on TV you've got all the responses recorded, but how are you going to ask the best follow-up questions if you're tuning out everything the interviewee says?
The prankster conveys this more succinctly, god bless him:
"Well, you're a dumbass, aren't you?"
It finally vaguely dawns on her, as though through a thick haze of California smog, that things haven't quite gone according to protocol: "I'm sorry, sir? ... All right, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be back with all the latest next."
The latest what? The latest vetting mistake from your interns who can afford not to be paid at 20 years of age? The latest interview you're going to eyebrow-pluckedly sleep your way through until someone blatantly calls the fact that you aren't paying attention to your job?
Somebody call me when meritocracy is finally invented.
For the moment, dear citizen journalists: You know what you need to do to tell a story? You need to find out the 5 Ws: Who, What, When, Where, and Why. Then tell us, clearly. There. You are now a better journalist than anyone on television.
The problem with being open to new information and trying to figure out what's really going on and engaging with reality and whatnot is that the lack of righteousness-related rewards to the brain coupled with the crappy nature of reality is really quite depressing.
