Oh, I can't just write books, you say? I need to market myself, do I? Like I'm a hydrogenated snack unit, here to feedertain you? Well, fine, then, I'll quit throwing myself into traffic like a sensible person*, settle down, and waste good novel writing time TO DITHER ON A GODDAMN BLOG.
*Ambiguity intentional
Thanks for the reminder as to why I avidly avoid the maul. On a vaguely related note (?), I had a surreal experience IRL just earlier today. I accompanied a sick relative to the hospital so he could get a shot of medicine that's supposed to help with his cancer. The room was packed with bed after bed of people lying down receiving IV medications (chemo, I suppose, in most cases). All ages, shapes, sizes, etc., but each with a generally bedraggled look about them (I hear chemo's a bitch). I kept thinking about how they were all fighting desperately to live, while all I want to do is unexist. The massive hospital, the multitudinous staff, the leagues of scientists who have labored to generate medicines and equipment, all to keep mortals slogging around as long as possible, apparently at all costs. If I suddenly found out I had cancer, right now, I feel as though my only response would be "pass the morphine", but would it really? Or would a switch suddenly flip, and I'd strive to stay afloat as long as I could? What an absurd motherfucker life is. (I guess that brings my comment full circle--sorry for that momentary derail.)
To me, the worst part of life has always been the fact that it does end. That everything you do and learn is abruptly undone and unlearnt. And that it happens to everyone you love. And that it usually hurts and is scary. No one thinks they can live forever, but not now, not right now, and please take me gently.
'The indignity of having to live and the indignity of having to die' as a friend of mine put it. Said friend coped with it by having a mind meltdown and becoming a Stalinist!
The most ironic (moronic) part, is that when you should be old and wise you develop Alzheimer or dementia, like my mother, and you unlearn everything before you die. I take this opportunity to tell you that ordered Nvsqvuam a few days ago. I loved the fragment you posted. Unfortunately, It will take an eternity to arrive (I'm from Spain).
Thanks for the reminder as to why I avidly avoid the maul.
ReplyDeleteOn a vaguely related note (?), I had a surreal experience IRL just earlier today. I accompanied a sick relative to the hospital so he could get a shot of medicine that's supposed to help with his cancer. The room was packed with bed after bed of people lying down receiving IV medications (chemo, I suppose, in most cases). All ages, shapes, sizes, etc., but each with a generally bedraggled look about them (I hear chemo's a bitch). I kept thinking about how they were all fighting desperately to live, while all I want to do is unexist. The massive hospital, the multitudinous staff, the leagues of scientists who have labored to generate medicines and equipment, all to keep mortals slogging around as long as possible, apparently at all costs. If I suddenly found out I had cancer, right now, I feel as though my only response would be "pass the morphine", but would it really? Or would a switch suddenly flip, and I'd strive to stay afloat as long as I could? What an absurd motherfucker life is. (I guess that brings my comment full circle--sorry for that momentary derail.)
No, it's just strange... about ten minutes ago I found out an old friend has cancer.
ReplyDeleteTo me, the worst part of life has always been the fact that it does end. That everything you do and learn is abruptly undone and unlearnt. And that it happens to everyone you love. And that it usually hurts and is scary. No one thinks they can live forever, but not now, not right now, and please take me gently.
ReplyDelete'The indignity of having to live and the indignity of having to die' as a friend of mine put it. Said friend coped with it by having a mind meltdown and becoming a Stalinist!
ReplyDeleteThe most ironic (moronic) part, is that when you should be old and wise you develop Alzheimer or dementia, like my mother, and you unlearn everything before you die.
ReplyDeleteI take this opportunity to tell you that ordered Nvsqvuam a few days ago. I loved the fragment you posted. Unfortunately, It will take an eternity to arrive (I'm from Spain).
Oh, thank you!
Delete