No one wants my fucking book, OK, here's my political stance.

Yeah, thanks for buying my book, world. This really makes me want to be a more cooperative citizen. Go on, ignore the best I have to give at the current moment. I will surely participate more enthusiastically in your neoslave culture after this.

In other news... my friends are often confused as to whether I am a conservative or a liberal or, even worse, OTHER. Well. That has never been easy to explain, but let me try to clarify where I am now. Which, ironically, I was unable to do until the conservative mainstream fucking mutated into such a giant monster that Ronald Reagan's daughter felt the need to piss on them.

I am an Observer. I capitalize that because when I was an adolescent I realized this thing lived in my mind, slightly outside of myself, just watching and judging (but not being judgmental about, not savoring it--judging was just part of its job) everything I did and everything that went on around me. And at this point in history, ya know what my Observer says? (It's really only as smart as I am, remember, despite its fucking attimatude.) It says that true liberals and true conservatives really need each other, and society needs both of them. And unfortunately true conservatives are no longer involved in mainstream discourse. The difference between Taki's webmag and Sarah Palin's fucking mangled idea of Paul Revere is a gap that I fear is almost too overwhelming to fill. What fucking CONSERVATIVE doesn't know her own country's history, good and bad? Michelle Bachman is an embarrassment too. Slavery was good for black families???? Jesus, even a fraught divorce is better than Dad getting sold up the river at economic random!

In an ideal world, liberals are in charge of coming up with wacky new ideas, some of which may be great and some of which may be godawful,and conservatives are in charge of keeping them from throwing out the baby with the bathwater. None of which has occurred during my lifetime. Equal rights: good idea. The cons let that through. Affirmative action: really bad idea, which in practice only helps minority kids who already have rich/connected parents, as far as my experience goes; congratulations, you helped one rich kid beat another. Where were the professional cons on that one? Oh yeah: being rich kids. Just like the professional liberals who came up with that horseshit (who are now occupied with eating Obama alive, with ketchup). But that's a 1990s complaint; what we're facing now is far worse than "already-set person makes 20 dollars an hour, I make nine."

The GOP now scares the living hell out of me. The Onion made a funny joke of it, but they are so preocccupied with destroying Obama (who CLEARLY hasn't done the wise thing and gone in a bathroom stall with these homosexual homophobes) that they don't care what they do to the rest of the population of the earth. I'm sorry, but when you start doing things like the recent debt-ceiling standoff (which unnecessarily destroyed the most powerful currency on earth; congratulations, you managed to fuck people everywhere just because your dick hurt) I not only don't want to listen to a word you have to say, I want you dead.

Then again, if Tipper Gore fell on my sword I would not be sad, so I still don't know what I am.

LATER: Oh, wait, no. I do know what I am, but not on your axis. I'm a person who just wants all the horseshit to end. Quit having babies, and we won't have any more stupid debates.