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Monday, July 8, 2013

Oh, but on the bright side!

My latest slice o' fictional/dystopian misery is about the be immortalized in The Big Click webzine! Which is full of great shit if you like a depressing/crime related read. For those who are somehow unaware (and many seem to be, since the only things on Amazon that sell worse than my books are freeze-dried slug vomit and illegal exotic pet corpses), I do write fiction. And having people read it is one of those things that pops my brain with enough endorphins to make things seem OK for a little while. Though not long enough for me to get preggers, don't you worry. Ohhhh no. Anyway, reading this will cost ya little to nothing, so what do you have to lose? Besides what's left of your innocence, my child. Of course.

And yes, it will be a week or so before my story actually goes live, and yes, damn sure I will remind you.


  1. NVSQVAM arrived in the mail yesterday, Ann. I look forward to reading it.

  2. "In no sense...Nonsense!!!"--Art of Noise album title, 1987

  3. Ann,

    Your story is up at The Big Click :).

    I liked it. I actually found it emotionally moving.

    Maybe because halfway through reading it I felt like I came to a realization about something in my own life that seems like it should have been obvious, but only just clicked consciously.

    I had a cousin who used to say "it's all good" often. I suspected she didn't really believe that deep down, since I knew she had seen enough of the dark side of life to know better. I thought she was trying to be positive for the sake of others.

    She killed herself about a year ago.

    What your story made me think, was that maybe the fact that she felt like she had to maintain a positive front for people all the time helped push her over the edge. The pressure of repressing the negative. She was living with her mother at the time, and her mother is a believer in the kind of Christianity that says life/the world is essentially good, etc. Which might have made things even harder, because she started pretending to believe that for her mother's sake. When me and my dad were visiting them, the last time we saw her before her suicide, one night, I wasn't in the room at the time, but as I heard the story, my aunt started getting on her religion kick, and my dad managed to change the subject finally, and when my dad and my cousin were talking outside on the porch later, my cousin said something like "thanks so much for getting her off of that subject".

    My cousin also had a series of accidents, a recent car accident, and another accident shortly after where she fell over on concrete and messed herself up even more. Her mother reported that right before she shot herself, she said something like "I can't keep doing this to you". Maybe a sign she felt guilty for "negativing" her mother by her very existence.

    Of course, I don't know what was going on in her head. But when reading your story it felt like something that I had been turning over subconsciously suddenly clicked and became clear.

    I'm lucky in a way, because I'm a mostly negative person, but I'm not in a situation where I feel like I have to put on a front of positivity for other people, for the most part. I can only imagine the additional stress it would pile on to all the other crap of existence.

    Maybe if my cousin felt more able to talk about the negativity of life, if there wasn't an unspoken rule not to talk about it with most of the people around her, it might have helped relive the pressure of living for her somewhat. If more people could just say "actually, it's not all good", and have more understanding (even agreement) from more people around them, It might help make what's already a crappy enough life for many people a little less crappy.

    Anyway, all that came up after reading your story. That's not a bad thing, it helped clarify some thoughts that had been under the surface for awhile.

    There's more I could say about the story that I found moving/imagination stirring, but I'm not a good reviewer, so I'll just cut off my comment around here for now.

    Basically, I see the story as a fantastical version of the world we already live in. I thought it was well done, with a good sense of humor.

    Cheers! (Job bless :).

  4. *"...relieve the pressure of living...", I meant :/.

  5. ...And maybe a winking emoticon at the end, instead of the regular smiley. Job, commenting on blogs causes me anxiety ;).

  6. Hey Bob, sorry I've been out of touch.

  7. Aaaaaand now reading your comments I'm sorry that you lost your cousin, and I guess I'm glad the story helped (to explain?) somehow.

  8. It's so hard losing people, especially when they keep saying "it's all good!" right up to the end.


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